Monday, April 23, 2012

To surrender a precious dream...

More journal stuff... skip it if you don't like emotional writing.

            As he sat on that mountain top, he watched a sunset so beautiful as to bring him to tears. The sight was the very manifestation of peace, serenity, and glory: the untainted majesty of it took his breath away.  Almost everything about this moment was perfect: the sight of God’s art in the sky, the smell of raw earth, the invigorating feel of the warm, summer-like wind that made his clothes whip around his body and filled his lungs with the wonderful taste of nature’s pure air; and even the powerfully peaceful sound of silence amidst the wind.  

And that was just to the west. 
To the east was the sheer edge of a cliff face that would carry him down to a forest that appeared quite small from the altitude of this giant rock.  As he directed his gaze to the far horizon, he saw an indescribable panorama of countless acres of countryside.  He watched as the shadow of his mountain covered more and more of the landscape, and marveled at the beauty of the patches of light caused by the shifting clouds.
He wept for the sheer beauty of it all.  He couldn’t take his eyes off of either sight, and found himself spinning in slow circles to take as much in as he could before the moment ended.  The world was washed in shades of purple, red, and orange as the sun produced its dazzling show of lights in its descent. He had his camera with him, but sensors and glass were no match for all that there was to see, and the senses that just had to be experienced.
Surrounded by all this, and close bursting with emotion at what was unfolding before his eyes, he turned to draw his love to his side, to sit and drink up this moment with her, and share this wonder of God with her; but there was no one.  He suddenly found himself overwhelmed by a sickening sense loneliness.  The most beautiful sight he had ever seen, and it had to be contained within the limits of his own memory?  All the beauty around him turned into an empty theatre: it was all there, but no one to turn to and laugh, cry, or silently hold:  though he knew that God was on that mountain with him, he felt absolutely alone.

To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing, but he learned that night that he could not hold on to what was not his.  God had not promised him that he would ever have a companion, and yet he treated a precious gift as an inalienable right.  He knew that night that he must surrender that dream if he wanted to love God fully.  If God would bring someone to him, it would not be because he had earned her, but because God in His divine providence had chosen him to be one of those fortunate enough to receive such a gift.  Until that moment, if and when it ever came, he would focus on nothing but his growing his love for his Savior into an unquenchable passion that could last a lifetime.  This love would be the foundation for fulfilling the call he hoped to receive.
As he settled into the reality of his commitment, he felt peace.  The sunset turned to stars, and he knew that his love had been replaced where it belonged.

To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing, but to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God’s love is a wasted life.


  1. This is beautiful, Josh. Thanks for writing. I know that if you are one of the blessed "chosen," that your beloved will be just as blessed as you are. :)

  2. You are a gifted writer, like your sister. You description is powerful.

  3. Josh, you said to me, "I am seriously going to propose right here under a sun like this." It was a privilege to be there to see that with you, even though our propriety kept us apart. I will ponder a thousand times your words which I'm incapable of properly paraphrasing, "Alexa, that sunset will never come again. And we were the only ones who saw it through at this time in this place. It was for us." That day was a treasure I hold close to me. Josh. You were God's gift to all of us, but me especially. Now I will remember you as more precious than that sunset.

  4. This is absolutely beautiful.

  5. I cannot hold onto what is not mine.

  6. I live several states could say I found your blog by accident, but I know it wasn't. God used what you wrote to encourage me more than you could know in my walk with Him, and to point me to Christ. Your passion for a life sold out for Jesus bled through every word you said, and I will never look at a sunset the same way since I have read this post. You are on the list now - the list of people I can't wait to meet when I get to heaven. Your life touched mine, and I have been so enormously blessed by what I have read and the little i have been privileged to know of you here. Thank you, Josh, for living a life that glorified God in so many ways. I know you will be missed. My prayers and my family's are with you, Eddy family. God bless you!

  7. Josh, we never met, I just happened to be an acquaintance of one of your good friends. But this was a great post, and thanks for sharing the encouragement in Christ and the Gospel. "to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God’s love is a wasted life." You're exactly right, I need to be reminded of that.

    I'm praying for your family, friends, and those others who are mourning your loss.

  8. "To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing, but to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God’s love is a wasted life."

    What a thing to remember, and always remember.

  9. An amazing last post Josh! :)

    This way the last day I heard his voice, he'd interrupted me an Mariah's conversation (on the phone) to make sure the sun sets in the west. :')

    Miss you Josh!

  10. I’m pretty busted up, Josh. It aches and aches deep down. I remember that first time we met, something clicked. I'm still trying to picture him; it was before he could grow his classic sideburns. We were somewhat separated towards the end because of ALERT. Life is so short, whether your 114 or 19; and eternity is long, no matter who you are. Oh, why did he have to go, the man I loved and knew so well. His life is now a legacy, not breathing flesh and blood. Josh is just a memory an ache a drive to never quit. My feet are bare for as long as is reasonable, because that’s what Josh liked to do. He would probably tell all of us who are doing it to stop being dumb, it’s true. Because of Josh, it’s the people that matter now nothing else, nothing else.
    I must make the most of this tragedy. I am going to make this event change who I am. I want fire to course through me and I will pursue it. The way to the flame is through an intimate relationship with Christ. I will no longer be carnally minded, I must pursue my Savior. If this is what it takes then bring it on. I have the spirit of God in me. Not only am I ready to be burned, I long for the day when I will burn. For who lights a lamp and hides it under a basket; no one, they set it on a stool to burn with light for the whole house. How do you dim a lamp? Put a lampshade on it, it can still get oxygen but its light is reflected off the basket not what is outside the basket. I want to weep, but I cannot make myself. Pray for me that the pain will always remain for I cannot and must not ever forget. What am I going to do with it? It must be there for me to act, if it goes away he will have died in vain for me. But if it continues to ache and bleed then I will set about taking action. Once a wound heals it bears no attention, a scar is only a memory to point to. Not something one will do anything other than reminisce over. ‘Every scare comes with a story’ you say. ‘Sometimes all we need to keep on going is a story’ you continue; but I want more than a story. I want change. I want impact, not a tale of who Josh was, that will one day turn into a legend. I want to never forget and if something stops hurting I will forget it. I want to be soft; a scar is hard and dead. I want to be fresh, soft, and open; not sealed off, withdrawn, healed, and forgotten. Someone has to ask for a story behind a scar; everyone knows what to do with an open wound.
    There just like Josh, a comment longer than the post, well almost (36 words short, to be exact.)
    Christ, work in me that I might become like you. Thank you for Josh, what he meant to me, and what he has done in my life, may I never be the same because of him.

    I’ll miss you Josh.

    --Connor McMurray

  11. "To surrender a precious dream is a fearful thing, but to pursue anything but the full measure of the glory of God’s love is a wasted life." This is one of the most amazing, inspiring quotes I have ever read. It needs to be printed on cards and given to everyone. I am sorry I never got to meet this man of God in this life, yet I am excited to do so in the next.
    - Michael Anthony

  12. Josh, I met you once a while back..and you seemed like a really cool guy...But I know through all the updates I've heard about you, your blog, and your friends that you were an amazing, godly man. I wish I had been able to get to know you better.. Ever since the first post on that tragic day that I saw, I have really been re-thinking my life.. Its not like I had "slipped off the deep end" or anything..I just don't think I've been trusting God as much as I should. But as cheesy as this may sound, you have completely turned that around. You have encouraged me to be a better person, and lean on Christ more. I am looking forward to the day that I can tell you that in person. You have really touched my heart :) I wont ever forget the influence you have had, and I will always remember what you have done :)

    Ive been praying for your family and friends .. and put a prayer request in at my chruch. :)

  13. Oh, Josh. This was a post I will never forget. Your words are timeless. Though I have never met you on this side of heaven, I will meet you someday. I know I will. *tears up*

    Say hello to my little sister for me...

    Forever in Christ,

  14. Your words, your life, your legacy, they continue to inspire and challenge me Josh, even though I never knew you. Thankyou for the blessing you were - and still are - to the world.

    God's richest blessings be upon your family. <><