Sunday, August 21, 2011

            I don’t want anyone to think that I am someone other than who I really am.  I’ve hidden behind a mask for too long.

            Prominent among many things,
I am prideful and self-centered:  I care more about my appearance and my desires than the appearance and desires of my Father in heaven.  I will often trample other people with my words or actions, or disregard the known will of God in pursuit of my own way of life.
I am negative:  I speak poorly of and to my own family.  I snap and yell when they innocently cross my path on a bad day.
I am distrustful:  I would far quicker rely on my limited foresight and my own ability to reason than trust the omnipotent love and grace of God to lead me at His pace.
I am selfish:  As Paul would say it: my god is my appetite.  Many of my actions in life revolve around what will benefit me most.  Decisions made purely for someone else’s benefit are made, but are few and far between.
I am complacent:  I find passion to escape a rut, and then coast on the leftovers of a spiritual high until they run dry and the cycle repeats.  This cycle must end which is why I’m up here now, doing what I fear the most.
I have little value for what God has done in my life:  Despite the total illogic of it, I find myself unwilling to forgive myself the sins of my past, even when I know they have been forgiven by a holy God. I often despise my own existence, regardless of how far I know God has brought me.  I praise God for saving me and yet curse myself for needing to be saved so radically in the first place.
I am in desperate need of divine grace. 


  1. We are all in desperate need of divine grace. So glad God loves us even when we are sinners and don't deserve it!
    We all have our faults. It's who we are as humans - sinners.
    I know you've been an awesome encouragement in my life. I hope you realize how much God has used you.
    We all stumble and fall. It's our nature. But God is always right there to help us to our feet again. and again. and again!
    Isaiah 41:1, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
    So, in saying all that - don't put yourself down Josh. Just continue to strive towards Christ. It's a constant battle, for all of us who desire to follow Christ. Satan is always trying to tell us we can't do it. And we don't deserve it. And to give up. But God is there too. Which is the most amazing thing. EVER. :D
    And now this comment has gotten quite long. ;)

  2. Divine grace HAS been given to you. In past, present, and future tense. God sees you truly as his righteousness. Live like it. :)